Time and Consequence
by Jim Greeno
Summary: A look back at three points in Nightwing's life as he struggles to overcome the loss of his first love.


Time and Consequence  
By Jim Greeno  
jrgreeno@ix.netcom.com   
  
  
  
3 Years Ago, Gotham City  
  
  
Man, I keep getting tangled up in the cape. The whole idea of being Batman is difficult enough...I just never considered that the hardest part of doing it would be getting used to the cape.  
  
Who am I kidding? I'm just nervous. I've been doing this for three weeks now and I still can't shake the butterflies. The simple fact is that I'd iconified Batman years ago, while I was still running around with a short, yellow cape of my own. The thought of becoming Batman one day was the same as dreaming that I'd one day play for the Gotham Knights. It was a dream.  
  
Then as I got older, I realized that I didn't want to be Batman; that there were few things in life I'd like less than having to put this cowl on every night. Bruce and I are just too different. Batman is his whole life, where Nightwing and Robin are only facets of mine.  
  
The Titans taught me that. Before them, I had no idea that it was the man that made the hero and not the other way around. I didn't need the emblem or the cape to define me; it was my actions that made the difference. Once I'd figured that out, becoming Nightwing was inevitable.  
  
I think that's what drove the stake between us. After a too-eventful tangle with the Joker, Bruce forbade me to be Robin anymore. I ignored him, of course. The Titans had become the most important part of my life, and I wasn't going to give it up to cater to Bruce's ego. We teamed up briefly again when he was working with The Outsiders, and it was then that I knew I'd outgrown being Robin.  
  
I tried to fool myself into believing that it was what Bruce wanted. That my leaving Robin behind to create my own identity was what he'd been trying to tell me. That's always how it is with Bruce. You have to figure out what his heart says through his mind. So you end up reading into everything he says, searching for some semblance of caring humanity...and sometimes it's just not there.  
  
When Nightwing debuted, Bruce stopped speaking to me entirely. So much for hoping he'd be proud that I'd made something of myself on my own. The Titans were doing great and there was no one to be proud. The up side is that I had no one to prove myself to anymore, and the down side was that I still wanted his approval so much.  
  
What made it easier was the fact that I didn't need Bruce anymore. I didn't need to strive day after day for the love of a man that was seemingly incapable of showing it. I had Kory, and Kory's love was more than any one man would ever need.  
  
I've tried to shut her out of my mind lately, as if I could somehow prove to myself that I never needed her, and that I don't still. The truth is that I was half a person until I met her. I'd had relationships before...well, crushes mostly. But my training dominated my life. Bruce taught me that the heart had no place in our crusade. What he didn't realize was that at my age, "our" crusade was my whole life. Aside from school, my training came first and took up all of my free time.  
  
No dates, no dances or school functions. Not that Bruce forbade those types of things...he sometimes encouraged them. But when you're sixteen and your hormones are raging, would you rather go to a homecoming dance or hang out with the likes of Batgirl, Flamebird, and Wonder Girl? So while I'd had dates and long-lasting crushes, I'd never really experienced love. Until Kory.  
  
Donna says that I'm an intellectual, a thinker. She first said it when I told her that I'd loved Kory from the first moment I laid eyes on her. She didn't think that was possible for me, and said in jest that I didn't fall in love with Kory until that night in Donna's apartment when Kory told us all about her homeworld and her past. I guess what Donna was trying to say was that I wasn't capable of loving Kory until she appealed to more than just my libido. She said if I did, I would have been head over heels for Bette Kane years before.  
  
Donna was right. What made me love Kory from the start was that she'd survived so many relentless hardships and yet still found it within herself to embrace life with her unquestioning passion. I didn't even know that was possible. I lost my parents and closed myself off from the rest of the world, afraid that if I opened my heart and loved again, I'd risk losing everything I'd worked for.  
  
Kory changed all of that. She opened my eyes to things about myself that I'd overlooked before. I discovered, with her help, a side of myself that's truly emotional, devoted, and passionate. The thing is, it was there all along; I just never had an outlet for it. I'd been emotional and passionate about things in my life, especially about my work. But I never felt like that toward a person after my parents died.  
  
I spent a couple of years keeping Kory just far enough away from my heart so that I wouldn't lose myself in those feelings. The first time I ever took a life was over her. Thinking she was dead at the hands of her sister, I took out a small army of alien goons to reach her...and this was when I realized once and for all that I loved her in a way that I couldn't deny. Hiding behind my work and responsibilities wasn't even an option after that. I finally opened up and, because of her, became a better man for it.  
  
Things between us were great for a while. Yeah, there were some big obstacles to get over, but we managed. Then after our tangle with the Wildebeest Society, things just came unglued. Kory was distant in a way I'd never seen before, and I wasn't any better. Losing so many friends like we did really took its toll on me and my resolve. I let the pressure control me, and subsequently became something I'm not.  
  
I was irrational, headstrong, and impulsive...everything Bruce had trained me not to be. When I asked Kory to marry me, it was because I thought I'd lose her unless I showed her how much I cared. We weren't ready, and it wasn't the right time. The thought of making an emotional commitment like that was still unthinkable without the likes of Joey and Raven there to share it with.  
  
But Raven was there, wasn't she? What happened at the wedding took away everything that was left of my self-control. Over the next couple of months, Kory and I changed so much, until we'd both become polar opposites of who we'd each fallen in love with. So when Kory left, I didn't argue. I should have, but I didn't. Trying and failing at something else at that point would have been disastrous for me, so I walked away like a coward.  
  
It'd been less than three months since she left. I hadn't seen or talked to any of the Titans since then either. I figured Donna or Roy would have gotten in touch, but I didn't know until that morning why they hadn't. They went after her to Tamaran. People whose lives have been just as terrible as mine over the last few months went after the woman I claimed to love more than anything, and I was standing in Gotham doing little more than playing dress-up.  
  
Roy called the Manor that morning and said we needed to talk; that they'd just gotten back from Tamaran and there were things he thought I should know. I was afraid to ask, but agreed to meet him on top of this abandoned tenement about three blocks from Crime Alley and right around the corner from the river docks. We busted a cigarette shipment there together a couple of years ago.  
  
He'd been there for ten minutes before I even thought of showing myself. He wasn't in uniform, so whatever he had to tell me didn't mean trouble. Truth to tell, I was kind of hoping for trouble. He was actually wearing a trenchcoat and sunglasses. I snapped out of my reverie and decided to get it over with before Gordon's boys showed up to hassle him. With a deep breath, I stepped out of the shadows.  
  
"What is it you need?" I asked, using The Voice.  
  
He whirled around a bit too quickly and scared himself at the sight of me. "What're you doing here? I told Nightwing I needed...wait...Dick?" He looked me over with scrutiny, but his eyes belied his disbelief.  
  
I toned down The Voice a bit, "Yeah, Roy...it's me. I've got a patrol to get back to, so if you don't mind..."  
  
Things had been bad between Roy and I over the previous months. I know better than to think he wanted to oust me from the Titans, but I expected more from him than to blindly accept Steele's demand that I step down as leader. He and I have had a competitive thing going on since we were kids, and I think in a way, he wanted to take my place...if only to see if he could live up to the responsibility. From what I heard, he didn't do half bad.  
  
"What, do you honestly expect me to see you in that get-up and not ask you what the deal is? Did something happen to Bruce?" He honestly seemed concerned, and I flushed at the standoffishness I was exuding.  
  
"Bruce is fine. I'm just stepping in temporarily. It's a long story."  
  
"Okay, message received. Look, I know I'm just about the last guy you want to talk to right now, but I wanted to tell you that the Titans have folded. I have the case file on our last mission, and I thought you should see it." Roy pulled the folder from his coat with his right hand and offered it to me.  
  
"Roy, you don't have to do this. You don't owe me anything."  
  
He looked at me indignantly. "I know I don't. I don't want to get into this, man. I told you we went to Tamaran. The stuff in this file is personal; it has nothing to do with Titans business. You know what it's about. I had to do the right thing."  
  
I hesitated for a second as he offered the folder up again. I grabbed it with my left hand and replaced it with my right.  
  
"Thanks, Roy. I'll look it over later. I have to go." I gave his hand a firm shake. "And take care."  
  
I took off into the shadows and felt them embrace me. Over the rest of the night, I gave Gotham a brief once-over. I couldn't concentrate and knew it was best that I get my head clear before heading out again. Bruce would use the angry anticipation I was feeling right then to fuel his evening patrols. He has the ability to channel emotions like that. I don't. I could wear the suit, but if I tried to use his methods, I'd end up dead.  
  
An hour before dawn, I pulled the Batmobile back into the cave. As I got out, I stared a few seconds at the staircase that descended from the study. I wanted desperately for Alfred show up from wherever he'd gone to. I had the feeling I was going to need some of his unerring advice.  
  
I pulled the folder out from my cape and placed it on the table as I took a seat. Removing the cowl and brushing the sweat from my brow in two motions, I picked it up and stared at it a moment. She could be dead. The mere thought of that brought on a sense of dread stronger than the one I felt when she left.  
  
I shook my head abruptly as if to ward off the thoughts of doom. I opened the folder and read it quickly, not stopping to let it affect me until I'd absorbed it all. When I finished, I stood calmly and placed the folder in the nearby document shredder. Tim and Bruce didn't need to know about this.  
  
Married and pregnant. What I felt could be described only as cold shock. The anger and sorrow never came. Maybe it was because I'd convinced myself that she was part of my past; that it was all behind me. Or maybe it was because I knew that it was all my fault.  
  
What we went through before she left was tough. But she walked away and I let her. She spent nearly four years trying to be everything I wanted, and I let her go because it was too hard to try. As far back as I can remember, I never quit on anything. Ever. But I quit on Kory. The best thing that ever happened to me and I couldn't be bothered to fight for it.  
  
I pulled the cowl back on and made my way back to the Batmobile. Sitting silently behind the wheel, I swore my second oath in the Batcave. Nothing like this would ever happen again.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
13 Months Ago, New York City  
  
  
I couldn't believe at the time that I'd let Wally talk me into it. We'd been taking yearly vacations together for the last two years; a couple of months after he'd helped the Titans rescue me and Raven from Brother Blood.  
  
I had just moved to Bludhaven after spending the last year in Gotham helping Bruce and Tim. Bruce had come back from his "vacation" from the mantle a new man. He rededicated himself to his crusade, and dove into it with a renewed vigor. He never really explained where he'd been or why he was changing his approach. Alfred and I are of the opinion that he felt he needed to atone for the mistake he'd made with Jean Paul Valley.  
  
It didn't matter. He was back and things had returned to normal. I, on the other hand, was still in the middle of a relentless identity crisis. I'd recently spent a time in Europe chasing a bogus lead on my parents' murders only a few days after deciding to retire Nightwing.  
  
Needless to say, the retirement didn't last long. My suit got a new look, and I went back to my state of abject confusion. When it came time for my trip with Wally, I'd made a fruitless attempt to cancel. But when Wally mentioned that he'd invited Donna along, I felt obligated to go.  
  
Donna had lost her son, stepdaughter, and ex-husband in an auto accident only about two and a half months before. I spent a couple of weeks with her after the accident to help her through it, but she was still having trouble getting past it. Who could blame her?  
  
As usual, it was up to me to pick the location for our little trip. I figured a couple of weeks of hiking in the northern Appalachians would work as long as Wally could agree to do it at a human pace. Wally spent the entire drive there griping about my choice, which was also becoming standard procedure.  
  
We decided to spend a night at a local motel to let a small rainstorm pass before hitting the trails. We'd spent all day in the car driving to Maine. Wally was suffering from what he calls "buttlag", and didn't want to start roughing it right away.  
  
We got two rooms, washed up, and decided to take a walk into the center of Kenford, a small town that rests in the rural community that surrounds the northern end of the Appalachian Trail. The rain fell lightly during our half-mile walk. We could have all been caught staring at the outline of the mountains to the west, which was still visible despite the late hour and overcast skies.  
  
Downtown Kenford itself was pretty nice. It's a modest town, built during the mid-1700's as a mining village. Though mining never proved to be fruitful there, the community nevertheless flourished, undoubtedly due to the sheer beauty of the land. Nowadays, it remains a proud town, though it seemed to have fallen on some hard times.  
  
As we walked, I noticed several stores that had been recently closed. A gift shop, convenience store, and a regional information facility were among them. Everything indicated that tourism had fallen off, which comes as no surprise when you consider that today's society would rather go to a theme park than go hiking.  
  
We ended up at a decent-sized bar more or less near the center of town. The neon sign out front read only "Bar & Restaurant". The interior was as shoddy and uninviting as the exterior, and the clientele was a mixture of relaxing blue collar workers and kids our age looking bored and antsy. Being that it was the only place we saw to get a bite to eat and a couple drinks, we grabbed a table.  
  
"Nice place. Have you guys had your shots," Wally asked as he picked up a menu.  
  
"Don't be such a prude, Wally. It isn't that bad," Donna replied.  
  
I just smiled, choosing not to contribute to Wally's day of whining. Out of habit, I quickly surveyed the room, instinctively looking for points of entry and getting a feel for the people around me. I stopped thinking this impulse was weird when I was twelve.  
  
The staff consisted of two waitresses and a bartender. Six men and two women were seated around the bar. Five parties of between two and four were seated as we were at tables near the walls. Off in the corner was a rowdy bunch of eight men having an animated, loud, and somewhat lewd conversation.  
  
A few of the rowdies kept leering at Donna. I met Wally's eyes and gave a slight nod in their direction. He smiled and put his arm across the back of Donna's chair. Donna laughed and played along.  
  
Wally and I ordered a couple of sandwiches and sodas, while Donna settled for a salad and a brave helping of the local water. After eating, we sat back and chatted a while, mostly about the need to unwind after what had been a difficult year for all of us.  
  
After we'd been there a couple of hours, Donna got up to excuse herself.  
  
"I don't want to spoil the fun, boys, but I think I'm going to head back and take a shower."  
  
"Want us to come with you," I asked.  
  
"No, that's okay. You guys are both still wide awake. I'll be fine." Keeping up with the charade, she gave Wally a peck on the cheek before leaving.  
  
Wally and I exchanged a shared look of concern for Donna. During the drive and over our quick dinner, she'd made every effort to seem cheerful. But we knew her better than anyone. Her demeanor aside, we could still tell she was hurting.  
  
Those concerns faded, though, when we noticed the eight troublemakers in the corner hustle out the door only a minute or so after Donna.  
  
"Want me to handle it?" Wally was making ready to get up and make his own exit.  
  
"Nah, it might be nothing. You stay and settle up with the waitress and I'll go take a look."  
  
Wally nodded and watched me leave as he got up to track down our waitress. Even in a worse case scenario, the situation was eight guys against Donna. I would be right behind the drunken mob, and Wally would be only a couple of minutes behind me. Truth to tell, Donna could handle them herself. But if I could spare her even a moment of grief at the beginning of what was supposed to be a relaxing, much-needed vacation for her, that's what I was going to do.  
  
As soon as I got outside, I saw that the worse case scenario was playing out perfectly. Donna had a substantial head start, but her pursuers were after her at somewhere between a fast walk and a light jog.  
  
So I did what any guy trained by The Batman would do. I hit the rooftops. It only took about a minute at a full run to get ahead of the pack and even with Donna. They were only about fifteen yards behind her.  
  
When Wally and I noticed them leave, it was almost funny. Any tension in the moment came from our brotherly need to protect Donna, whether she needed it or not. But as I looked down at these eight drunken punks and started thinking about their intentions, I suddenly became very angry. I vaulted down next to Donna, causing her to jump slightly in surprise even as the men broke into a run to overtake her.  
  
"You know you've got company, right?"  
  
Donna looked at me casually. "Dick, they made almost as much noise trying to be quiet as they did when they were inside drinking. Need a hand?"  
  
"No, just give me some space."  
  
Donna took a few long strides backward. The men saw me land and slowed to take me out. A few insulting phrases were thrown my way, but I was too busy rolling up my sleeves to bother listening.  
  
I didn't even hesitate as the first guy charged me. I laid him out with a solid cross to the jaw, and then vaulted over him and into the middle of the other seven.  
  
They came at me at once. I crouched and swept out with my leg, knocking two of them to the ground. I then jumped straight up, kicked another in the side of the head, and nailed still another with a right on my way down. Ducking a punch, I came up and kicked another guy in the stomach. I used his hunched-over body as a temporary gym horse to deliver a swift kick to another guy's throat.  
  
Four down, four to go.  
  
The remaining attackers were now wary of me. Normally, I'd take another out decisively and watch the other three run. But I was still angry.  
  
I took a two-step run toward them, took off into the air, and downed two more with a flying cross kick. Landing on one foot, I used my momentum to swing my other leg into a roundhouse that sent another flying. The last guy was having trouble deciding what to do. I quickly swept his legs out from under him and rolled, delivering the victory punch that sent him into unconsciousness.  
  
I didn't even have to look back to check them. I knew they were all out cold. I turned to see Wally standing beside Donna. They were both looking at me in surprise.  
  
"What?" I asked incredulously.  
  
Donna chose her words carefully, "Don't get me wrong, Dick...but you're better than you were the last time we worked together."  
  
I looked at her, prepared to answer, but the look in her eyes wasn't at all complimentary. "And?"  
  
Donna balked, so Wally picked up where she left off. "Well, you were a little severe, weren't you? A couple of those guys are gonna end up eating through a straw for the next few weeks."  
  
I briefly looked back at my fallen opponents. "Let's get back to the hotel. We don't want to be here when someone sees them unless we want to ruin our trip."  
  
We walked back the motel in silence. When we got back, we all went into the room Wally and I were sharing. Wally fell back onto his bed and pulled two pillows against the headboard. He leaned back against them and motioned for Donna to sit on the bed next to him. She did.  
  
"I thought you were going to take a shower," I said expectantly.  
  
Donna looked at me with her mother hen expression. "Come on, Dick. Let's talk about this. What's going on with you?"  
  
I sat down on my bed across from them. "I don't know what you mean."  
  
She shot me a doubtful look. "Well, let's see. You don't have much to say, you never call us anymore, you've moved out on your own, and you seem angry in action. Let's start with those."  
  
"What do you want me to say, Donna? So I moved to Bludhaven. Is that really a big deal? I've been busy getting settled there, which is why I haven't called."  
  
Wally gave me a devil-may-care smile. "And what about the 'tude? You really tore those guys up, man."  
  
"Yeah...okay...maybe I went a little far. But I work on my own now, in a city that's twice as corrupt as Gotham. I've got no Batman or Titans backing me up, and the whole town is looking to take me out. Even the cops. I've had to change my style a little." I was getting more than a little defensive.  
  
"Dick, I've seen you train. We both have. We've seen you study and expand your skills, and watched as you incorporated what you learned into your actions in the field. But this is almost a total one-eighty. Like I said back there, you're better than you ever were. You must be training non-stop." Donna looked into my eyes as she finished, her concern almost palpable.  
  
"Yeah, I'm training a lot. Again, what's the big deal?"  
  
Wally sat up a little. "It's just not like you, man. Ever since Bruce got hurt, you've been distant."  
  
"Dick, honey, we're not saying this is a bad thing. You just used to leave a lot of time for yourself. That's obviously changed. We just want to know how you are. Even a thousand miles from home, you're tense and edgy."  
  
I took a second to clear my head. I was being defensive, but they weren't trying to put me on the spot. Donna and Wally are my two best friends in the world, and they were just concerned about me.  
  
"I don't know, guys. I'm just working hard to make an impact on Bludhaven. You guys have heard how it is there. I'm one guy trying to make a difference in a city that gave up on itself before any of us were even born. It takes a lot of time and work."  
  
Wally nodded his understanding. After all, he'd taken up the responsibility of looking after Keystone after Barry died. He knew it was hard work and could probably imagine how different Keystone is from Bludhaven.   
  
But Donna wasn't finished. "Does that leave any time for Dick Grayson?"  
  
"Sure it does. I have a job and an apartment."  
  
Wally chimed in, "You told me that you were a bartender at a cop bar and that it was a source for information."  
  
"It is, but it's still a job. It's not like I wear the uniform to work, Wally." I was trying my best to make light of it, though he had a good point.  
  
"What about friends? Do you have any friends in Bludhaven," Donna asked.  
  
"Yeah. I'm getting to know my landlady pretty well. She's a really nice girl. Tim stops by every now and then, and I talk to Babs a lot."  
  
"Oh, so there's the lady who you have to pay rent to and two of Nightwing's buddies, huh?" Wally was really getting a kick out of this.  
  
"Knock it off, Wally. You're oversimplifying a little and you know it. I do have a life in Bludhaven. I'm getting along fine."  
  
Donna got up and sat down on the bed next to me. "And what about a girlfriend? Are you dating?" She flashed me a wicked smile.  
  
This was a game that Donna and I have played for years. She prods me into opening up about things I don't normally talk about. She comes off as an overprotective older sister, making sure I'm eating enough, getting enough sleep; but it always leads to my love life. She brings it up every time we've talked since Kory left.  
  
"Like I said, Mom...I'm doing fine. Why don't you pick on Wally's thing with Linda?"  
  
We both glanced over at Wally who, while we weren't looking, managed to doze off. He was snoring softly, oblivious to the world around him.  
  
"Well, I guess that's our cue. Time to turn in," I whispered to Donna.  
  
"Not so fast, Boy Wonder. We're not done talking." She grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me through the door that separated our two rooms.  
  
It was useless to resist. If anything can be said about Donna, it's that she can't be dissuaded once she has an idea in her head. Plus, she needed this. She needed to know that her friends still needed her like they used to.  
  
"Now," she said after we'd both sat down at the small table in her room, "talk to me."  
  
"Really, I'm fine," I said, daring her to prove otherwise.  
  
"Dick, I've seen you like this before. You're acting almost like you were right before you stopped being Robin; pushing yourself to no end, not leaving time for anything remotely normal in your life."  
  
I smiled broadly. "And wasn't it you that told me that I should chalk up that whole chapter in my life to what Brother Blood did to me?"  
  
She wasn't about to let me get off that easily. "Blood preyed on your emotions by taking advantage of the fact that you were really confused about your life. You were having trouble with Bruce, working with him, with us, at the circus, on your own. And for what?"  
  
"Because it was expected of me, Donna. Those were my responsibilities, and they needed to be met."  
  
Donna looked at me with doubt in her eyes. "Working with Bruce was driving you crazy. Your solo work was little more than an excuse to get out of the Tower. You were running from something, Dick."  
  
"You really want to make this about Kory, don't you?" I tried to give her a half smile, but the implication bothered me.  
  
"At the time, I think it *was* about Kory. Don't you?"  
  
I thought about it a moment. "Part of it, yeah. But the pressures with Bruce and wanting to work on my own and with the circus were real. I wasn't trying to escape anything; I was just trying to do too much."  
  
"But the solutions all came at once, Dick. Right when you decided that you'd grown up and moved on. Remember?"  
  
"Of course I remember," I replied.  
  
"And what brought that on?"  
  
I let out a short laugh. Damned if she wasn't right. "Kory," I relented.  
  
Donna smiled. This time it wasn't forced, as it had been all day. "So, now that we've cleared that up, how are you doing in Bludhaven?"  
  
I got up and moved over to the bed, propping myself up like Wally had earlier. "Basically, what you're asking is whether or not I'm driving myself nuts in order to avoid dating, right?"  
  
"More or less." Donna sure wasn't pulling her punches. "Are you dating?"  
  
"If I tell you my personal life is none of your business, are you gonna throw me through another wall?" The devilish grin I must've had on my face at that point made Donna blush. That was an experience she didn't look back on fondly.  
  
She managed a sly smile, "If that's how it has to be."  
  
I put my hands up defensively, feigning terror. "Yes, Donna. I've been out on a couple of dates."  
  
"How many that weren't work-related?"  
  
She was referring to my relationship with Emily, who I'd faked marrying because she was a suspect in a murder investigation. Long story.  
  
"Like I said, a couple." The smile faded. This wasn't funny anymore.  
  
"A couple of dates...in two years?"  
  
I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the bed to face her. "Okay, more than a couple, but nothing serious. Heh. Nothing even really romantic."  
  
"Does it hurt that much?" The game was definitely over. She saw right through me.  
  
"It's not just Kory. You need to know that up front. Part of the problem is that I feel like I gave up on her. Like I didn't try hard enough. But a bigger part of it has nothing to do with Kory," I said.  
  
Donna rose and took a seat next to me on the bed. She was saving me the trouble of having to look her in the eye. I always have trouble with that when I'm talking about my feelings. I sometimes wore sunglasses when I used to visit my psychiatrist.  
  
"You gave Kory everything you had, and then some. And this was during a time when none of us had a lot to give, Dick. Don't blame yourself."  
  
"I don't. It was circumstances. I know now that there wasn't much either of us could have done. That's not what bothers me." I ducked my head a little.  
  
"It's what Roy told you about what happened on Tamaran, isn't it?"  
  
Donna knows me all too well. "Yeah...shouldn't it? She got married, Donna. She's starting a family with him."  
  
"I know. And I know it's hard on you. For what it's worth, I don't think she was in love with Phy'zzon. Raven was so much a part of her when that happened. When Raven's essence was removed from Kory's body, she seemed almost surprised that she was married," Donna said, trying her best to be reassuring.  
  
"Then why would she stay with him? It kills me to know that we worked on our relationship for years, yet she married this guy in a matter of weeks. I know she's impulsive when it comes to her emotions, but..."  
  
"Dick, I don't think she loved him. Right before we left, she *did* seem happy, but I think it was more because the fighting was over and her people were getting a second chance at paradise."  
  
I looked up at Donna in defiance. "No, Donna. Kory wouldn't stay with someone she didn't love. Not after what happened with Karras. She doesn't believe in it."  
  
"How do you know they're even still together, Dick? If what you say is true, maybe it didn't last."  
  
I resigned myself to the truth. "I don't know they're still together. But that doesn't matter now, does it? What Kory and I had is over. She has her own life to live, and she's home for the first time since she was a child. I just need to move past it."  
  
"You're right, Dick. I'm sorry I brought it up." She nonchalantly brushed a stray lock of hair away from my eyes, an apologetic look on her face.  
  
I looked back at her and smiled slightly. She's still every bit as beautiful as she was when we first met. I've probably fallen in love with her fifty times since then, and it's times like these that make me realize that.  
  
Donna has a way of putting things in perspective for me. Ever since we were kids, she's always been able to rebuild my self confidence in minutes, after I'd spent months tearing it down. For a guy raised by Bruce Wayne, that seems more like a superpower than just about anything Wally or the rest of the Titans can do.  
  
"Don't apologize. I needed to get that off my chest." I pulled her into a short hug and then settled back onto the bed again, putting my feet up. Donna got up to get a glass of water, then settled back at the table.  
  
"So what about the other part," she asked with a glimmer of mischief in her eyes.  
  
"What other part?"  
  
"You said that was only part of it."  
  
"Oh, that." I shrugged, trying to find the right words. "I don't know really. Like I said, I've been out a few times, but there never seem to be any...sparks. You know what I mean?"  
  
Donna laughed out loud. "Yeah. Been there. But then it's usually because I'm still hung up on someone, like when Kyle and I first met. Or even when we were young and Wally and I went out those couple times."  
  
"When you had your eye on Roy..."  
  
"Yeah. It was like I was just going through the motions until Roy and I got together." She smiled again, the memory seeming to comfort her. "And the guy I was seeing when I met Terry. Talk about boring..."  
  
"So you're saying that I'm either still hung up on Kory or I'm waiting for something to develop with someone else?"  
  
The mischief returned to her face. "I don't know. *Is* there someone else?"  
  
"Not that I know of."  
  
"Oh, come on. There has to be *someone* you have your eye on, Mr. Grayson. Didn't I hear that you spent some time with Barbara Gordon a little while after your turn as Batman?"  
  
I don't remember clearly, but I'm pretty sure my mouth dropped open in disbelief. "Babs? Babs and I are just friends, Donna."  
  
"You used to have the biggest crush on her, though, Dick. There's nothing between you two now that you're all grown up?" Donna was just loving putting me on the spot.  
  
"Ahhh. You forget, dear lady, that I used to have a little crush on you, too. I was just a kid. Besides, I was just helping her get set up in her new apartment."  
  
"Wally said you were there for a week. That's a little long to unpack and rearrange furniture, isn't it?"  
  
I shuffled uneasily on the bed. "There was more to it than that."  
  
"I'll bet," Donna said with a laugh.  
  
I peered at her sternly. "No, Donna. The security system and some other things had to be installed. It took a few days to get everything ironed out." I shot her another look that told her that that was all I could tell her.  
  
"Oooooohhhh. Another Bat-secret? Okay, Spanish Inquisition over." She got up and moved toward the bed. "Now move over and let's see what's on TV."  
  
I edged over a little and handed her the remote from the nightstand. She turned on the television and started surfing the channels.  
  
"I *love* this movie!" She'd stumbled onto a late-night airing of Jimmy Stewart's 'Harvey,' which is a personal favorite of mine, too.  
  
"And it's not 'colorized,'" I added. "Where's the popcorn when you need it?"  
  
We settled back and got lost in that old, black-and-white movie classic.  
  
About a half hour later, Donna was sound asleep with her head resting on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her, used the remote to turn off the TV, and killed the light on the nightstand.   
  
As she nuzzled a little more into my shoulder and draped her arm across my chest, I realized that I needed this closeness as much as she did. I'd missed the thought of being close to someone that needed you as much as you needed them.  
  
Donna needed someone to hold her and, truth to tell, *I* needed someone to hold. I slept better that night than I had in a long, long time...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
2 Months Ago, Bludhaven   
  
My head was ringing and blood was still seeping from my lip. I navigated the rooftops as best as I could considering the blow my equilibrium had taken.   
  
I had only been back in town since yesterday afternoon. A lot of Titans, the JLA, and I had been involved in a struggle that resulted in a rebirth of sorts for my old friend Vic Stone. It's another one of those long stories.   
  
I hit the streets pretty early to clear my head and to check up on the status of the city. With as many mob families and gangs as Bludhaven has, it never seems to take long for things to change the status quo. Heading into the Zee Moores from above, I heard a ruckus louder than any I'd heard in... well, in the few hours since the earth-shaking struggle we just went through with Vic.   
  
I reeled in a jumpline as I crossed the final rooftop to get a birds-eye view of the action. A full-blown gang war had erupted. In the center of it was an overturned armored car. The gangs were obviously brawling over dibs.   
  
A quick inventory of still-standing bodies revealed a total of 47 thugs, and the sides still seemed about even. Taking responsibility for this mess was a tough choice. Nightwing was hated by everyone in the city, so jumping into the fray in this case would mean a 47 to 1 free-for-all. There was no doubt that as soon as they saw me, I'd become the new target for their animosity, considering that Blockbuster had made my head worth more than 10 of those armored cars.   
  
But what's a guy to do? You can't just let 50 guys beat themselves to death in your city...it's against the vigilante code. It was my job to make sure these guys just got their butts kicked, and therefore would live to beat the tar out of each other another day. So I started my attack.   
  
I kept the fight long distance at first, quickly exhausting my supply of batarangs. Eight guys had fallen before most of them had even caught sight of me. I worked the perimeter at that point, staying to the outside so I could use the building walls, alleys, and fire escapes to my advantage.   
  
I'd only taken a couple of blows when the number of opponents had dropped to under 25. But those 25 knew I was there. Things got nasty at that point. I unleashed my escrima sticks and went to work, making no effort to be nice. I learned from the Batman that when the physical odds are stacked against you, knees, throats, temples, and eyes become your primary striking points. You hit once and move on.   
  
In the end, it worked. I took more of a beating than I should have, perhaps. But it also could have been a lot worse. I hadn't slept in days. Heading back to the rooftops, I cursed myself for not bringing the car. My balance was shot, my ribs hurt, and I couldn't stop my lip from bleeding profusely.   
  
It took a while to get back to my building. The line that lead from the roof to my window was still dangling secure, so I slid down and pulled the window open. My eyes had just begun to adjust to the pitch-blackness of my apartment's interior as I stepped inside. One step later, I tripped and my face hit the floor.   
  
"Stupid, Grayson. Just stupid," I mumbled as I dragged myself back to my feet. I glanced behind me to see that I'd tripped over my hamper, which I usually keep in my room. Confused, I flicked on the light switch and gasped at what was revealed.   
  
My apartment had been cleaned... top-to-bottom.   
  
"Dick, is that you?"   
  
The voice came from my bedroom, and I whirled around to face it.   
  
The simple fact was that I'd forgotten she was there. Princess Koriand'r of Tamaran emerged from my bedroom rubbing the sleep from her eyes. I'd be lying if I said she didn't look cute wearing one of my T-shirts and a pair of my sweats, which were both way too big for her. I'd offered to let her stay at my place until Donna returned from Paradise Island.   
  
"X'Hal! What happened to you?" She moved quickly to my side and helped me move gingerly to the couch.   
  
"I'll be okay. What did you do here?"   
  
"I cleaned, Dick. Why is that such an alien concept to you?" She smiled briefly as she moved to the bathroom. She came back moments later with my medical kit in tow.   
  
"You didn't have to do that. It wasn't *that* bad." I motioned to the medkit. "If you could just hand me some gauze..."   
  
An exasperated look suddenly masked her golden countenance. "Dick, you're bleeding all over the place! You need more than just gauze. Lay back."   
  
"Kory, really. I can handle this."   
  
"Yes, you can. But there's no reason to. Let me help," she said, more as a demand than a request. I laid back on the couch and put my feet up.   
  
Kory started on my lip, mopping up the drying blood from my chin and neck. She then soaked a cottonball with alcohol and cleaned the cut and finally handed me a small wad of gauze to hold to it until it set.   
  
"Where else," she asked expectantly.   
  
I sat up, removed the gauze from my lip, and allowed her to put a small butterfly bandage over the cut. "I just need to tape up my side and ice my ankle. It looks worse than it is."   
  
"Okay, change out of your suit. I'll get some ice."   
  
I got up and went into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. As I changed into sweats and a tanktop, I couldn't help but feel how awkward the entire situation was. If I rewound my life to three years ago, Kory helping me mend my wounds wouldn't have seemed strange at all. I guess in a nutshell, this was a kind of disorienting nostalgia.   
  
Kory was waiting for me with a makeshift icepack when I returned to the couch. She was already piecing together a mass of medical tape for my ribs. I took a seat next to her and placed the ice on my slightly swollen ankle. She carefully raised my tanktop to apply the bandage.   
  
"X'Hal!" she gasped, causing me to jump a bit.   
  
I turned slightly to face her. "What?"   
  
Then it hit me. The scars. My run-in with Valley and punishing solo career had added more than a few new scars to my collection.   
  
"What have you been doing to yourself? Look at you!"   
  
"Take it easy, Kory. These last three years have been a little grueling. I went through the wringer in Gotham a while back... and Bludhaven isn't exactly a vacation spot from knife fights," I replied as casually as I could.   
  
"And you just keep going out there? Some of these aren't even completely healed, Dick! And tonight... why didn't you call me for help?"   
  
"On the one hand, Kory, I didn't need help. I can take care of myself. A cut lip and a cracked rib aren't exactly show stopping injuries. Secondly, I have an identity to maintain. Too many people can connect Dick Grayson and Starfire, no matter what lengths we went to before."   
  
She narrowed her eyes but relented, choosing instead to finish placing the bandage over my bruised ribcage.   
  
"It's not just the scars, Dick. You've changed a lot... added a lot of bulk."   
  
I never really noticed, since the weight I'd put on over the last year or so came so gradually. "Yeah. I need the extra power to get by. Quick thinking and acrobatics only get you so far on your own around here."   
  
"I suppose. You seem to be doing fine." She smoothed over the bandage a final time and lowered my tanktop.   
  
"I am."   
  
"I'm glad." She got up and moved over to the window, absorbing the sunlight that had just started to appear in the morning sky.   
  
I turned and put my legs up where she'd just been sitting on the couch. "What is it?"   
  
She was silent for a moment, but replied just before I repeated the question, "Did it even bother you when I left?"   
  
"How can you even ask me that? Of course it bothered me! Do you have any idea how long I blamed myself?" My indignant answer caused her to turn and face me, the pain evident in her expression.   
  
"Why would you blame yourself? It had nothing to do with you."   
  
"And that's why, Kory. I obviously let our relationship become so strained that you felt that your leaving had nothing to do with me. That you could just walk away and I wouldn't mind."   
  
"*You* didn't let our relationship become anything! X'Hal, Dick. Don't you understand that yet? A relationship is two people working together to build something beautiful. I was so confused about what was happening to me that it wasn't fair to you. I had to leave." A stray tear made its way down her cheek.   
  
"You're contradicting yourself, Kory. That wasn't your choice to make. We couldn't be in a relationship like you describe if you think you can make a decision like that on your own. We could have worked it out if you'd just given me a chance to help..."   
  
"I didn't know what was happening to me! I didn't know about Raven. Don't you think I wanted your help? I wanted you to take the pain and confusion away, Dick. X'Hal, I wanted that so much. But I knew you couldn't." She turned back to the window and started to sob.   
  
I tossed the icepack aside and got up. I walked over to her and placed my hand on her shoulder, and she quickly turned around and hugged me. I was surprised at first, but pulled her in closely and stroked her endless auburn locks.   
  
After a minute, she pulled slowly away and looked into my eyes.   
  
"I'm sorry, Dick. Really I am..."   
  
I managed a small smile. "Me, too."   
  
We sat back down on the couch together and remained silent for a few minutes. Then Kory started giggling.   
  
"What are you laughing at?"   
  
She stopped and glanced over at me, "I'm just glad you're not like him."   
  
Most people would ask who she was talking about. But with Kory, 'him' is always Bruce. "What do you mean," I asked.   
  
"The other day, when he first saw me... you should have seen the look on his face. It was like, 'Here we go again!' "   
  
I couldn't help laughing. I could imagine the exact look she was talking about. Bruce never made any secret of the fact that he didn't approve of my relationship with Kory. He must have been relieved when she went back to Tamaran.   
  
"I'll bet. I think I finally realized that I'm nothing like him," I said with confidence.   
  
Kory burst into laughter again, only a little more so this time. "You have *got* to be kidding!"   
  
"What?" I asked incredulously.   
  
"Dick, you're more like him now than you ever were! Moving out into your own Gotham to work alone; you're as territorial as he is. I'll bet you even have a hideout somewhere close with a Nightwingmobile."   
  
I didn't know if she was kidding, so I didn't tell her she was right. "That's not what I mean, Kory, and you know it. Yes, Nightwing is a lot like Batman, and for good reason. But I'm nothing like Bruce. I learned that when I covered for him in Gotham a couple years back."   
  
"The Batman let Nightwing protect Gotham?" She was openly making fun of me now.   
  
"Well, not exactly. Bruce was injured pretty badly not long before you left. You remember." She nodded. "When he recovered, he needed some time... I don't know, to figure some things out, I guess. So I covered for him as Batman."   
  
Kory was shocked. "You were Batman? You never would have done that before!"   
  
"Yeah, I know. But it was time to mend fences, if you know what I mean. He asked for help for the first time since I've known him. How could I refuse? He assured me it wasn't forever, so I accepted."   
  
She looked at me with concern again. "That must have been hard for you."   
  
"It wasn't too bad. I learned a lot about myself during that time. We may have a lot of the same methods with our masks on, but I know now just how much I need to have a life away from Nightwing. His identity consumes him, and I just couldn't deal with that."   
  
"I'm happy for you, Dick. It's nice to see you at peace with yourself. You've grown so much."   
  
I smiled at her reassuringly. "And what about you?"   
  
She looked away briefly and fell silent. After a moment, she said, "Soon. Okay? We'll talk about it soon. I just don't know if I'm ready."   
  
I didn't push. I could see in her eyes that there was a lot she wanted to tell me. A lot that she just wanted to talk about. And, to be fair, there was so much I wanted to say as well.   
  
But we both realized that we needed more time before we could open up to each other on that level again. Sitting there, staring at each other, we knew that what was once between us was now in the past. The love was still there, teeming at the surface of our beings, yet held back by two people who just weren't ready to commit again.   
  
It didn't need to be said. With only a look, we both understood and, with that, there was no need to be scared. I reached over and caressed her cheek lightly, then pulled her into a full embrace.   
  
I can't remember when it was that we fell asleep, just like I can't remember that couch ever being that comfortable to sleep on. Physically and emotionally exhausted, we simply held each other, safe in the knowledge that we could finally put our past behind us and let our future fall where it might.   
  
The sun had set by the time we finally got up. My ankle was feeling much better and the cut on my lip had finally closed. I went out and got us something to eat while she made some phone calls.   
  
A couple of hours later, I emerged from my bedroom in uniform.   
  
"What do you think you're doing?" Kory was beside herself with disbelief. "You can't go out there tonight. You need to rest."   
  
"Kory, I knew the job was tough when I took it. I'm just going on a routine patrol. I won't push it."   
  
She eyed me with suspicion, but didn't say anything.   
  
"What, no more protests?"   
  
"Would it matter?"   
  
I smiled. "It's nice to know there are people out there that worry about me. So yeah, it matters." I walked over to the window and hoisted it.   
  
"Dick... "   
  
I stopped and turned. "Yeah?"   
  
She hesitated before continuing, "It's never going to be the same again, is it?"   
  
I looked back at her and balked. Then an idea hit me and a broad smile crept across my face. I quickly moved behind her, grabbed onto her shoulders and steered her onto the couch. Popping the remote in her hand, I crossed the room to my movie collection, selected one, and popped it in the VCR.   
  
"I used to love introducing you to my favorite movies. I think it's time you met James Bond. I'll be back before dawn, but don't wait up." She looked at me with confusion as I started up the line to the roof.   
  
Then, quietly, I stopped my climb and angled myself to peer in the window. Kory, still wide awake from our all-day snooze, had turned her attention back to the movie.   
  
The credits rolled onto the black screen, "... an Irvin Kershner Film... Sean Connery... Never Say Never Again.... "   
  
Kory's slight smile lit up the room.   
  
Time will determine our future, no matter where it takes us.   
  
Fully content for the first time in three years, I went back to work...   
  
  
  
  
  
END  
  
  
  



End file.
